What’s following me?

 

 

I’ve hear them say

You are always either

Pre-storm, storm or post-storm.

This cycle

Of circumstances

We mostly can’t control

As life

Just happens

Around us.

Surely or

Only goodness,

Mercy and unfailing love

Shall follow me

All the days of my life.

 

What’s following me?

 

My idea of goodness

Usually is synonymous with

Perfection.

The perfect life.

The ideal.

The comfortable.

Everything going my way.

Abundance.

Dreams do come true.

Lord, have mercy,

We pray.

A life followed by

Mercy…

My idea of mercy

Is usually synonymous with

Getting what I pray for.

I expect to bend

God’s will

To mine.

Lord have mercy on…

Change this relationship,

Move in this way,

Fit in this box

That I’ve crafted

Just for you, God.

 

Unfailing love.

Love should feel like love.

That’s what the world emphasizes.

Warm, fuzzy,

Padding the world around

So no one feels pain,

Or is lonely

Or forsaken.

Let’s alter the verse.

I want

ONLY a

Comfortable,

Idealized,

perfect

Dream-life

Which I have crafted

In my head,

In which everything

I pray for and hope for

Comes to be,

In exactly the way

I expect,

And I feel

loved

from morning to night,

not only by God,

but by all those I interact with

all the time.

Context.

It’s kind of a scratchy word.

Might bother some.

Sometimes it bothers me.

But look back.

 

The first ½ of Psalm 23

Is comforting,

No doubt.

That’s why it’s probably

The most popular Scripture

Of all time.

It’s drenched in

Goodness, mercy, love.

 

An unfailing Shepherd

Following his beloved Sheep,

Faithful,

Insisting on our rest,

Revealing beauty,

Offering restoration.

Though I walk through the valley,

The deep, sunless valley

Of the shadow of death…

Wait a second…

A table before my enemies?

Pardon?

Darkness.

Enemies.

Death.

Pain.

Less than ideal circumstances?

 

What happened to goodness?

Mercy? Unfailing love?

Where did my Good Shepherd go?

This is no ideal life.

This is real life.

Pre-storm, storm, post-storm.

Valleys are inevitable.

Enemies are inescapable.

Easy

Isn’t God’s definition

Of a good life.

Goodness, mercy and unfailing love

Are not dependent on

A perfect chain of events,

The type that release enough dopamine

Into my system

To ensure my happy bubble

Is never popped.

 

God’s goodness,

Mercy

And unfailing love

Followed David from the peaceful pasture

into that dark valley,

Right in among his enemies.

 

His Presence

Is not dependent

On circumstances

Or feelings.

 

Goodness, mercy and love

Aren’t feelings

Or desirable events.

 

Goodness is a person.

Mercy is a person.

Unfailing love is a person.

The person is

Jesus.

 

Not just a flesh-and-blood person,

A divine person.

A Good, eternal, ever-present Shepherd,

Following us.

The path might not look good,

The way might not appear merciful,

And I might not feel

Unfailing love.

 

But Goodness, but Jesus

Doesn’t change.

But Mercy, but Jesus

Remains fixed.

But unfailing love

But Jesus,

Is right there

Whether I feel it or not.

 

So I repent

For seeking comfort,

Peace, love

From the world,

From my circumstances.

I repent for

Thinking like the world,

Defining my God

With my finite mind.

My life is but a mist in the morning

And then it will be gone.

Maybe my life will be

A very painful one.

Maybe my life might feel more like

Storm, storm, and more storm,

But Papa,

Help me remember

To look back.

 

Who is following me?

Redeeming the hard,

Giving strength

For the journey,

Never failing

Through meadow or valley?

 

Goodness,

Mercy

And unfailing love.

Jesus.

What is following me?

I turn my eyes from the “what”.

Who is following me?